THE NEXT NIQAB STORY

Some people,on the preparatory period of wearing a niqab,they may have wear it ’when they feel like it’,not in the regular basis,on and off,just so to have the strength and experience before hand,before actually really embracing the idea.

It was shortly after I finished being a committee member in a seminar program for the Zagazig-Malaysian community that I decided to become a niqabi. There was no meaningful event that triggered my decision and there was no reasoning, it was just sudden.

I woke up one day and before going out,I covered my face with a niqab of my ex-housemate. Why I became a niqabi? I did not have the answer to that question for months. When people asked me, I had no complete reasons to give them. I just keep them hanging and wondering by themselves.(Actually,they shouldn’t have keep on wondering and thinking about me,right?like I’d do something completely out of my mind! pfffttss~ )

My best friend, who I have witnessed adorn herself in a niqab all my teenage life, did not inspire me. My ex-housemate, who recites Quranic verses day and night, and started wearing the niqab on the same day she arrive in Eqypt,did not inspire me. And it wasn’t because of my beautiful niqabi classmate from Jeddah,Aya Ahmed.

In fact,I reply their question with a question.like,”why,I can’t wear it?its not suits me?” or “why I’m wearing it?why do you think it is?” or even “it’s a good thing I’m wearing it,right?you are not happy for me?”
And when people ask, ”is there any reason for you to wear this?”

or

“Is something happening to you?”

and the most funniest question is “Are you getting married or something?”
I was giving them a synical smile (and of course they didn’t see it,cause it was hidden under the niqab! ^ ^ ) and I replied,

“What,I have to have some BIG reason just to do something that pleased Allah SWT? Why I can’t just do it?“

And

“There’s nothing happen!Why,there should be something hurtful or eventful to happen so that I have the determination to wear niqab?"

And

“I’m not getting married!There should be marriage or men included in my decision to wear niqab?My own self is enough to be the reason and making the decision for myself.”

People approach me as being very religious; my honest and shocking answer to them is “niqab has not made me any more religious than I was before.”

For now.

On a second thought, maybe a little.

Because before wearing the niqab,I have done all the wajib and had trained myself to do all the sunat like qiamullail,sunat fasting and so on. For that reason, I have experienced little changes on the graft of ibadah,but I get something instead.That,I’ll explain later on upcoming entry.People are anxious to meet me and analyze,what sort of person I will become after wearing the niqab.Its funny,though..

Niqab is not a magic attire that can enhace a person’s iman in a blink of an eye.It doesn’t have any power to completely change one’s personality to be nearly a saint! I am still the same me,with maybe a lil more quality than before.People shouldn’t keep comparing the before-after effect to the person who wear niqab.Are they still the same or not?And if there is no differences,people will be talking behind their back,saying something like,‘that person,wearing a niqab,but her akhlak is the same as before..etc and etc…”

What a foolish comments..

That is probably the reason why certain people are afraid to wear niqab right away.They are worrying about other people eyes and opinion,and disregarding Allah SWT opinion towards them.

I’m not saying that niqab is just a piece of cloth,it indeed have ‘energy’ that bring ‘something’ to people who wear it.But not because of the niqab itself.The changes one get from wearing niqab is coming from God the Almighty,not from the niqab itself.

So if it is not the religious aspect either, then why did I really become a niqabi? I became niqabi because it gave me a new identity. With niqab I am able to represent myself completely. Niqab is my personal choice, if legal restrictions are passed against my self-expression, then it’s a direct violation of my expressional rights and of others’ religious and traditional rights which are guaranteed by different declarations of human rights.

InsyaAllah, I would like to close entry with some advice for sisters who may be in the same position as I was, wanting to wear niqab but afraid. You really have to just do it. If you wait for a time that you are not afraid, you will still be waiting when Allah SWT takes your soul. Courage isn't being fearless. It's doing what you know is right even though you are terrified inside.

Put your trust completely in Allah SWT. Ask Him to help you and give you strength, and have faith that He will. Offer istikharah, as many times as you need to. And make du'a. Make du'a constantly if you need to. Ask Allah SWT for every moment of courage that you need, then give thanks to Him when He gives it to you. When you trust in Him, He will help you. He will give you the strength and the courage you need. When you put your faith in Him, you can do anything. Gather your courage together and JUST DO IT.

I finally did, and it was worth it. I feel now like such a great burden has been lifted from me. I didn't realize how much it was weighing on me that I was letting my fears keep me from doing what I want to do. Now I feel at such peace.

For me, niqab was truly a jihad an-nafs. I think it was harder than just about anything I have done in a long time.It was a struggle between iman and nafs. It was hard because you think it is.But once you push all the thought away and just wear it,you will feel how ease it is and may regret and laugh at yourself for not started the idea earlier on.But it is worth it, all praise is to Allah, it is worth it.


P.S. When you have your niqab on, nobody can see how scared you are!