Monday, October 3, 2016


(most) women will have a once-a-month-inevitable scheduled pain. Pain is something our brain regard as an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience. (Emotional, ok~). Hence, when one had to deal with it for at least 3-4 days, while bleeding continuously for at least 7-8 days, daily task as simple as smiling will become unbearable. I applaud and bow with recognition for those wonderful women, who manage to secure their roaring pain and thunderous emo intact. Not an easy task, tsk tsk... But sometimes their professional attitude made me sort of a weirdo and psycho, just because I refused to shield my emo and just unleashed my boiling irritability, haha.

This is a taboo subject. At least for the male population. (sigh! well, what do you guys know~~) . But for women, it is an unavoidable topic. Most women would nod in concurrent agreement, giving gentle shoulder tap and warm embrace to their suffering fellow ; a gesture of understanding and deep empathy.

Since that kind of pain can be too much to handle, sometimes we seek for various methods to sooth it up. Some use home remedies, traditional tips, and most conveniently, modern medicine. There are people who are too paranoid of drugs' side effect, that they didn't use anything, so called to be natural and chemical free. They end up battling the pain alone, praying that time will pass and sleep will make the pain subsided.

When I was studying clinical pharmacy in Egypt, I once asked my professor, what did she do or take to be relieved of menstrual pain? She struck me as someone who disapproved modern drugs (despite of her job), so  I reckon she avoided taking pain relief or any sort of drugs, but I was wrong. 

She said, "Why would you distress yourself in trying to held the pain? Just take Mefenamic Acid or Acetaminophen, and everything will be ok. Why put your job and daily life in a taxing condition? "

Oh, that was sooo right Dr.  hehe. Sometimes people think, to be natural and chemical free, we should keep away from any sort of drugs and chemicals. But in doing so, we exposed our self to self harm and unnecessary pain. Hurm, is it worth it? I dismiss the idea that, all chemicals are bad. Hellooo.... the sour taste you tasted while eating a lemon is chemicals. Pffttss....

Friday, August 12, 2016

Chinese Cinderella - In which she became her own fairy

Chinese Cinderella – the true story of unwanted daughter.


“Your name is Ju qing right?”

“No, father. That’s older sister’s name. My name is Jun Ling.”

Adeline Yen was the youngest of 5 siblings, born as Yen Jun Ling in 1937 in Tianjin,China. Tianjin is a famous port city, govern by French people after China's lost to France & Britain alliance in Opium War. (sila la rujuk apa itu Opium War. Many Chinese film was based on the life during this period. Salah satunya filem best Leslie Cheung & Anita Mui; “Rouge,1988” . Masa tu semua orang hari2 dengan drugs macam kunyah cokelat je)

Her biological mother died 2 weeks after giving birth to her and Adeline has since, been blamed for her mother's death. Macam tak lojik kan? Salah baby pulak. She doesn't even asked to be born kot. But for Chinese people, she is the epitome of bad luck. Except for her Aunt Baba, Ye Ye and Nai Nai, her other family members treat her as if she was the murderer of her own mother. A clueless child like her, being treated for something she doesn’t have any control of, she then grew up longing for love, recognition and the sense of belonging.

Right after her birth, she was placed under the care of her Aunt Baba, who never married. Her father remarried a year after that, to a 17 year old French-Chinese women named Jeanne Virginie Prosperi - who she called Niang. With Niang, her father had 2 more children. With a total of 7 children under a household, their family was fortunate as her father was a successful businessman. Her homebirth in Tianjin was 3 storey mansion, big enough to occupy her father,Niang,Aunt Baba,Ye Ye,Nai Nai, 7siblings and also maids’ quarter. (So boleh bayang kan how wealthy they were even masa tu tengah gawat dan perang.) Lepas tu dorang beberapa kali pindah disebabkan Japanese Occupation,WW1, Communist and reformist rebellion, dari empayar ke republic, etc. From Tianjin-Shanghai-Hong Kong. But still, setiap kali pindah rumah dorang besar dan in a wealthy neighborhood.

Antara bab yang saya ingat sangat :
She was called Wu Mei - ‘the Fifth Daughter’ in her family; Wu (Fifth) , Mei (Daughter). A Chinese tradition similar to Malaysian kot, macam Along, Angah, Alang, Andak, Uda, Dara, eh? Hehe.

Ok, masa dorang 1 family dah pindah ke Shanghai,one day when she was 10 years old, after a hugeeee incident that enrage her Niang, (this incident kena baca sendiri ye dalam buku, hehe) she was sent back to Tianjin to a Catholic Church boarding school. Masa tu Tianjin sikit lagi nak dimasuki oleh geng komunis yang dah menjajah kawasan sekitar. Semua orang nak keluar dari Tianjin dan berpindah ke Shanghai or Hong Kong yang dikuasai British supaya selamat dari Komunis. Tiba2 her parents sent her to Tianjin yang tengah bahaya tu.

Boarding a plane, the stewardess gave her a card to be filled with details. As she was still underage, her father was supposed to fill it for her. Since she was sleeping, her father woke her up. She thought they had reach Tianjin. But nope, her father wake her up because he doesn’t remember her name.

“Wu Mei, wake up”
“Yes father. Did we arrived at Tianjin?”
“No, I wake you up because I need to fill this card. Your name is Ju qing right?”
She felt pang right away. Her own father doesn’t remember her name. That showed how invisible she was to her own father and how neglected she felt.
“No, father. That’s older sister’s name. My name is Jun Ling.”
“Oh, right. You are Jun Ling. When is your date of birth? Do you remember it?”
How can she remember her birth date if the moment she was born was the most dreadful moment of her life?
“No, I don’t remember”
“In that case, do you mind if I put 30 November as your date of birth? It’s my birth date as well”
“Oh father ! Of course ! I would be very happy to have the same birth date as my father!”

From left at the back : First Brother, Second Brother, Third Brother.
From the left in front : Older sister with Forth Brother, Adeline.

Despite being treated harshly and with malice, throughout the story we can see that many fortunate events dan unexpected pertolongan2 came to her life and help brought her to where she is now.

Ex : She won an international story writing competition in 1950’s. The first ever Asian and Hong Kong-er to win such a contest. (That means a lot because he had to write in English). That was really the turning point of her life. Sebab that news masuk paper, her father's business partner tanya dalam lif “Eh, ni anak you ke, surname Yen macam you?”. So, she brought honour to her family, she gave ‘face’ to her father in front of his prominent colleague and that give her the opportunity to study in England.(Ayah dia sudi support). She became a doctor.

*At first I thought her Ye Ye, Nai Nai and Aunt Baba as her 3 fairy Godmother, but after finishing the book, my thought was wrong. They were not her fairies, but only her supporter – the one to make sure she doesn’t go astray. However, she herself is the fairy to her own destiny. With all the courage a child could muster, she changed her own live. Dia ni pandai pula tu. Always at the top ranking since kindergarten.

*Aunt Baba is her father’s older sister. Ye Ye is her grandfather and Nai Nai is her grandmother. Niang is mother.

* These are all based from what I recall from the book. Mungkin ada ayat tersalah kot, hehe.

Hope I didn't give away the story too much. lol.

Thursday, June 16, 2016


I considered myself as an outspoken person, sometimes blunt, and gives my opinion directly when needed. (or not, hehe)

But during one mission to the aborigines' village in Gua Musang last year, I met Haji Yusuf Komando - a retired General Manager of a company, who graduated from USA and spoke English whenever he wanted to prove his point. His fashion trademark is soldier pants, ARMY tshirt and a stick to support his walk. At first I thought he was a retired soldier, hence the 'komando' tag.

The first night arrived, we had a brief meeting. I cowered behind Kak Nurul, a MO from HTM that I happened to assist medically through the mission. Its suffocating because I found its hard to reach a point of understanding with him.

" Until when we want to act like Santa Claus to them?! " He said.

That sounds pretty much like an accusation to me. I didn't expect to have a heated discussion like that the first we met. I thought this meeting is supposed to be ice breaking cum taaruf session.

" There are many methods of dakwah. But what we are doing now is giving them 'carrot and stick' to mold their cooperation! "

He was referring to the bunch of gifts, stack of food, and even monetary gift that the mission bring every time we came. He didn't like the idea of preaching Islam with gifts as baits. He preferred we taught them knowledge and skills, or supply them with basic tools so that they can be independent and improves their living.

Although most of the things we bought to the villagers were intended as sedeqah, we never thought we kind of acting like Santa as he claime. It is an eye opener for me too. After months, I later get what he meant. Because of this repetitive act, the villagers began expecting us to come with money and gifts, whilts our main objective is to spread Islam.

*Some even said their syahadah more than once so that they can get monetary gifts coz they believed they can get free money if they embraced Islam. (Which is partly true, since we do give them money untuk meraikan saudara baru, and because being a muallaf gives them the right as an asnaf.)

Time has passed since the last mission, and I still remembered him vividly. Mostly because he used to call me "Cik Pharmacist" whenever he greet me, tengah kutip sampah masa nak balik misi pun dia masih berhujah lagi pada saya, and also because he is the one to trigger discussion in the Whatsapp group.

I began to see him in new light, and secretly admired his intensity. because he didn't strike me as someone with passion towards dakwah. He's no ustaz, he's wearing soldier pants for God's sake! hehe.. Yup, looks are deceiving, appearances are misleading.

Yesterday, someone texted into the Whatsapp group ; Haji Yusuf Komando has passed away at 1 am, 15th June 2016. I was left baffled. Knowing someone that short of time usually doesn't get you teary. But he did.

(إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ. أَللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْلَهُ وَارْحَمْه وَعَافه وَاعْفُ عَنْه)


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Beautiful Teacher Vs Not So Beautiful Teacher

Not long after I starting my part time job as a compensation teacher (cikgu ganti), I find myself constructing a theory that is both intriguing and funny at the same time. Apparently from my observations, students tend to listen and also like teachers who are amicable and plus, having facial features that is close to their liking. Senang citer, pelajar suka cikgu cantik dan baik. Hehehe...

 As the saying ; 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder' , it seems that my facial features and attitude was definitely close to their taste. So I was called 'cikgu cantik' numerous times. Never in any phase of my life, has I arrived in a situation where I was called 'cantik' more that 2 people in a same day.

 Although the first compliment struck me in a state of flusteration, I was beginning to accept it modestly after the next few days ; to the point that I forgot to count how any times I received the compliment and began to enjoy the praise. Nasib baik I still have my sense of reality in me, kalau tak memang akan 'perah santan' dan hanyut dibuai fatamorgana, hahaha...

But, the admiration received takes its toll. Now I have to pay more on how I dressed, what color of my scarf should match my baju kurung, what style pf hijab should I do and so on. And being 'the good teacher' as the student called me, I should suppressed my growing frustration if they go wild, all at the same time, hehe. Boleh belajar sabar, kan?