THIS IS ME BEING ....

i think i'm an introvert.

Not the severe one that need scheduled therapy with shrinks, or popping up tranquilizer prn. I just have my own principle in opening up to people.
I'm not depressed, or mad or shy . I'm just... having my time by myself and my closed friends. And I don't think that's a bad thing, really. I can be funny and crack some jokes, if I want to.


I don't like to keep in touch with people i'm not trust enough, and I don't like to express my feelings to people i barely knew.People may feel i'm arrogant or cold or hard to pleased.

You know bumper car? The purpose of the game is for people to have fun, bumping each other's car.And that how i see social life is. Why on earth would you want to bump into someone's life just so you can have fun? Can't you just drive your car by your own and have fun?  I can get my daily dose of fun by myself, I always am. Sure, having friends tagging along is a bonus.

And here i'm saying that i'm not that severe.Because, I do have friends. And I can interact with people. I just don't want too many connections. I'm happy with the way things right now, with a couple of people I can trust. I just being selective, that's all. 

YOU GET INJURED EASILY IF YOU ARE BEING TOO ATTACHED. And I don't like any strings attached. Its enough for me to feel the presence, like the magnetic pull. Its invisible, but you now someone is there for you.
I don't need to expand my circle. You can't blame me for having doubts and being careful. I am responsible for my own self,and I just have to protect myself from being injured.

We can have fine and diplomatic interaction, but I'll keep my territory bounded. People may feel annoyed with my policy, but what can I do? I lived with it. So the best thing you should do is get over it. I don't wake up everyday to please people. I can choose who I want to connect to, so please stop making me feel guilty of not befriended you. You apparently don't know me enough to start judging me and my stand. The fact that you are judging me sufficiently show that you are not fit enough to enter my circle. Just respect me for being reserved. And being reserved is good thing, you know.. Though maybe not always. It is like a forest ; to ascertain it from being endangered, government preserved it, right? And if anyone, by chance get to enter it, you are the special one - believe me. 

I don't know what good people see in me, but that's all because my bad was tightly concealed by Allah. Only because of this that people see the good in me. If Allah revealed my other side, I'm sure things would not be this way. I'm afraid that taking in new friends could hinder me from being myself and that I can't write and react as I always do because of it.

P/S : This is me being frustrated. Me in the future, if you happen to come across this post after this, PLEASE delete it if you are embarrassed by your rambling self.

THE END.

SIAPA PERNAH KENA ROTAN, ANGKAT TANGAN !

Dulu ketika kecil, umur 3-4 tahun agaknya. Sebelum kenal ABC, papa lah guru mengaji pertama kami adik beradik. Mula-mula baca koleksi IQRA', kenal huruf dan tajwid dan lepas khatam juz amma, baru papa hantar kami ke rumah tok guru untuk sambung mengaji juz-juz lain. Kawan-kawan lain ternganga merangkak-rangkak lagi nak habiskan satu muka. Tok guru selalu kata "tengok demo ni, (saya dan abang Faris Fikri) tiap-tiap hari lancar je mengaji, boleh beralih muka (muka surat) sokmo"

Sebabnya, walaupun dah mengaji dengan tok guru, tiap-tiap malam selepas solat maghrib berjemaah, kami kena menghadap papa. Mengaji sampai Isyak. Selepas tu papa akan ke masjid untuk Isyak di sana. Semasa kecil ni, kita selalu main kat luar kan, main macam-macam.. bila dah maghrib baru balik. Dengan berpeluhnya, laparnya, baru balik rumah. Kalau dah gelap tu baru balik, papa dah tunggu depan rumah dengan ranting kayu. Lalu je ZAPPP....

Bila dah letih bermain,lepas maghrib tu mula la mengantuk. Bila mengaji, asyik tersengguk-sengguk. Papa dengan rotan kat tangan akan ZAPPP lagi. Tersedu-sedu baca Quran sambil air mata mengalir. Masa tu dalam hati... huhu.. 

Bila tanya kawan-kawan, mereka tak pernah pun kena rotan, tak pernah kena paksa baca Quran, tak pernah kena kejut solat subuh jemaah, rasa nak tukar papa.

Masa kena rotan, perkara pertama yang kita rasa ialah Sakit - di badan dan di hati. Tapi rupanya sel-sel otak hanya berhubung bila dah dewasa. Baru tahu rotan tu tak sakit pun, tapi ignorant dan arrogant tu yang sakit.

p/s : To my future child if you will ever be mine, rotan may come to extinction during your time, but I will come up with another method to toughen you up. hehehe...